Thoughts and Other Things: A New Take on the Present Moment

Since starting my study of Tibetan and Zen Buddhism five years ago, I have become reverent of the present moment. Impermanence in all things is a universal truth—that all physical and mental phenomena are ever-changing. This applies, of course, to the present moment.

This morning I woke up at 5:20am. I could not get back to sleep. Recent personal events had my mind on overdrive and left me as upset as I was uncertain.

I have a habitual routine: open my smartphone (limiting myself to fifteen minutes), get up, open up the daily workout app, and turn on NPR One (for my non-American friends, NPR is a renowned American radio station for news, talk shows, podcasts, and more).

NPR is partnered with a radio show and podcast called On Being, which delves into what it means to be human and what Life means to us. I had been so taken by the podcast On Being since I began listening to it two months ago. It is hosted by author and award-winning broadcaster Krista Tippett. This morning, I heard a quote from a particular episode that left me kneeling on the ground after my workout. In the latest episode titled “Devendra Banhart"—When Things Fall Apart,” Tippett interviews Banhart, a Venezuelan-American musician/songwriter, poet, and visual artist. They discuss When Things Fall Apart:, a seminal book written by the Tibetan nun and teacher Pema Chodron. Tippett reads a passage from the first chapter of the book:

”Impermanence becomes vivid in the present moment; so do compassion and wonder and courage—and so does fear. In fact, anyone who stands on the edge of the unknown, fully in the present without reference point, experiences groundlessness. That’s when our understanding goes deeper; when we find that the present moment is a pretty vulnerable place, and that this can be completely unnerving, and completely tender, at the same time.”

There are moments in life that leave you at a loss to do anything because of the impact. This was one of those moments. A great breadth of vision blooming in all directions. A permanent shift of the mind. Only my most moving travel experiences can compare with this revelation.

We are in the midst of a pandemic. The world as we know it is forever changed. It is almost natural to feel the nerves being wound tight in daily life. Indeed the unnerving feeling may be dominant at first glance. Yet as we navigate our day-to-day, and moment-to-moment lives, the tenderness and disconcert of the present moment are actually intertwined in a beautiful way. This coexistence has always been there with us, no matter how personal and world history progresses. All of this is wrapped up in that universal truth of impermanence—that change is the only constant—and this in itself lends itself to one of my favorite quotes: “relax: nothing is under control.”

My understanding of the present that I was supposed to reach an eventual point of peace, compassion, and freedom of attachment to concepts and things through mindfulness. I never thought to leave the disconcert and the bad stuff out. Yet it is always there too, this disconcert, and fear, and uncertainty. I now hope to use this newfound wisdom to work with both the beauty and the anxiety the present moment holds.

Finally—I’m going to buy myself a copy of When Things Fall Apart after I finish this post.